XOXO: My Husband is Messy
My husband is so messy. It seems like all I do is pick up and put his belongings away when I'm cleaning the house. How can I get him to put his things away without always nagging him?
Kathy: My husband is fantastic, but he's messy too! Here are some things I have tried that work well. He'll never be a neat freak, but we manage to keep our house relatively clean.
Positive reinforcement.
Compliment your husband on the qualities that you admire. Let your husband know how much you would appreciate him putting his things away. When you see him putting something away or hanging up his clothes instead of throwing them on the floor, let him know how much this means to you.
Keep it contained.
If he can't keep from being messy, try to keep it within a particular area in the house. Perhaps he can keep his mess in a large closet or room, so you don't have to see it. Even a corner of your bedroom is better than the entire house. Find solutions that you can both live with.
Put things in perspective.
If your worst pet peeve is his mess around the house, then concentrate on how much you appreciate his other great qualities. There are many things that are so much worse than a messy husband.
Look inward.
Chances are, there is something you do that bugs your husband. Do you forget to put the cap on the toothpaste after you use it? Do you roll the toilet paper the wrong way? Perhaps he'll see your efforts, appreciate them, and try harder to pick up his things.
Amy: Mom, these are great points! My husband can be messy, too, and I use all four of your points frequently. It reminds me of a true story I read not long ago:
"My husband and I had been married about two years—just long enough for me to realize that he was a normal man rather than a knight on a white charger—when I read a magazine article recommending that married couples schedule regular talks to discuss, truthfully and candidly, the habits or mannerisms they find annoying in each other. The theory was that if the partners knew of such annoyances, they could correct them before resentful feelings developed.
"It made sense to me. I talked with my husband about the idea. After some hesitation, he agreed to give it a try.
"As I recall, we were to name five things we found annoying, and I started off. After more than 50 years, I remember only my first complaint: grapefruit. I told him that I didn't like the way he ate grapefruit. He peeled it and ate it like an orange! Nobody else I knew ate grapefruit like that. Could a girl be expected to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit like an orange? Although I have forgotten them, I'm sure the rest of my complaints were similar.
"After I finished, it was his turn to tell the things he disliked about me. Though it has been more than half a century, I still carry a mental image of my husband's handsome young face as he gathered his brows together in a thoughtful, puzzled frown and then looked at me with his large blue-gray eyes and said, "Well, to tell the truth, I can't think of anything I don't like about you, Honey."
By avoiding "the grapefruit syndrome," we'll be able to better keep our relationships strong and focused on the positive things about our husbands. In return, we'll either see a change in their messy behavior, or it will bother us less!
Xoxo Kathy and Amy
If you are interested, please send your submission about marriage and/or family to: editor@lafamily.com
Thank you!
4 comments:
Great Advice!!!
I have been thinking about this....I think sometimes we expect everyone to do things the way we were taught to do them.....and that is the problem. We all learned to do things differently.
I heard a story once of a young newlywed making her first pot roast. She cut the ends of the roast off, put it in the pan, stuck it in the oven and had a delicious meal. But the husband curiously asked, "Why do you cut off the ends?' She said, "Because my mother always did.
She asked her mother why she cut off the ends of a pot roast before placing it in the pan, and she said, because my mother always did. The young girl went to her grandmother and asked why she cut off the ends of the roast, to which the grandmother replied "So it would fit in the pan."
So in thinking about this article and I thought there was great advice!!...I am just reminded of how we all are taught to do things differently. And also what is so obvious to one person, may not be that obvious to the other. I think the key is to find the common ground all can live with. Just my two cents.
What kinds of things are they looking for for the "guest bloggers"?
I'm not sure what they want exactly but if you are interested please email them.
Thank you!
Post a Comment